At the last minute on Saturday night, after an event, I knew it was time. I had to burn the clothes I wore when David Richard Terrell of Chesterfield, MO raped me on Labor Day 2017. The clothes and the evidence box. Time to gain my freedom. Time to claim my power. Time to send all his nasty rape shit back to him, the rapist. I’d so appreciate it if you would share this blog post and also the video. Please help me to reach out to other women. My hope is that they will feel inspired by my story and my journey.
I have a lot to write and share, but it’s still so hard…turtle steps. This video and this ceremony was a huge step! I want other women to know about this rapist, about how rapists operate and the criminal process, along with the emotional journey, the grieving process and healing journey. When you look at the first video I made, where I recorded my statement to the police, and look at how I look and what I sound like in that video (or even my voice in my second video) compared to this new video, wow. I look and sound like a completely different person!
That’s what rape does to you. That’s what trauma does to you. That’s what a horribly traumatic violation of your body and soul does to you. It shakes you to your core. It takes your “no” away. It violates you on such a fundamental level, with such huge implications for everything in your life – mind, body and spirit – that I cannot even find words adequate. It weaves its tentacles throughout your life. If you’ve been raped, you get it. If not, you might be able to empathize, but I’ll never be able to express it for you to truly understand and know. A picture is worth a thousand words, and you can see it in these videos. You can feel the shift as I work so hard on this healing process.
There have been and still are tons of doctors, counselors, physical therapist, and even the damn dentist (due to PTSD and direct rape damage to my jaw). I survived. I keep surviving. I will do more than survive – I will flourish! Through this fire ceremony I claimed and stood fully in my own damn power and sent all the vile nastiness back to the disgusting rapist, David Richard Terrell, where it came from, and where it belongs.
Yeah, so, I’ve worked on forgiving myself, even though I always have known it is ZERO my fault – it is ONLY the rapist’s fault! It’s still a “thing” – like, why didn’t I know he was a rapist? Why did I trust him? Why did I believe him? How could I have been so stupid? Etc. That’s the stuff and thoughts I had to forgive myself for and work through, process. I am such an intelligent, powerful woman, yet I went on a first date, and I was raped. It takes self-forgiveness to wrap your head around that, even when you know the only person at fault is the predator, the rapist – and that you never could have known because this is exactly how rapists operate and they are very good at it! The police will tell you, the advocates will tell you, and even the prosecuting attorney’s office.
God I have wasted so much time dealing with the aftermath, with thoughts about that night, with the nightmares, with the rape dreams, panic attacks, with it underlying every moment as I try to heal. But that’s not true. It is not a waste. It happened. What I am learning as a result is a gift, an opportunity, and from it, I’ll be stronger than ever.
As for him, I’ll never forgive him, not truly. There is no forgiveness, only karma…and justice. I truly believe he is surrounded in his own vileness and self-loathing, and that is the justice of his own making. He has always been weak in his soul, a weak pathetic excuse for a “man”. And now? He is even weaker. He will get weaker. He is nothing. This is my justice.
I still have the Full Order of Protection, thank god. I plan to renew it when it comes up in two years. Otherwise, what’s to say he won’t come after me again? He stalked me after he raped me. Can you imagine? This guy claimed to be a Navy Veteran/Medic. He used that as a thing to get to me. The police felt he’s been doing this his whole life, lying, grooming and raping women and getting away with it, using those things and that he is very practiced at it. I can say this with certainty – David Richard Terrell has no honor and is no real veteran. I know and love veterans, so many are my dear friends, and they are appalled by him – they don’t claim him as their own.
The rapist overpowered me with his 215 pounds. I’m so physically small compared to him, and though my spirit is big, my spirit couldn’t physically fight him off me. I tried to shove him off me repeatedly, it did not work, I couldn’t budge him. He used Plenty of Fish’s online dating site as the way to find the next woman that he raped. My spirit is fighting back and with my spirit, I will flourish and grow and bloom with an amazingly beautiful harvest in this lifetime, while he withers and dies on the vine.
So I burned my gorgeous clothes, along with his disgusting-ness that was on them. Now they are nothing – just like the rapist. I freed my clothes. I freed myself. And I took back my power on a gorgeous Scorpio full moon night just before May Day.
A Survivor Not a Victim shared my first video on her website a few days ago. You may check it out at https://asurvivornotavictim.com/2018/04/25/sheris-story-video/. Her site helped me when I needed it most.
Please help me get the word out! Please watch, like and *share* this video! Please hashtag #DavidRichardTerrell #DavidTerrell,#DaveTerrell #ChesterfieldMO #rape #rapist #sexualassault, etc. Also, please follow me on Twitter at https://twitter.com/S9_4_2017, where I tweeted this video and the other blog post/videos too – and retweets appreciated.
Please also check out other posts on this blog site, such as David Richard Terrell Raped Me. Please watch and share my other two YouTube videos on the same YouTube channel – first one of reading my statement to the police and second one of opening the evidence box for the first time.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and share! If you’re reading this, and you’re a survivor…girlfriend, you’ve SO got this!! You have all the power. No one can take what’s in your own soul – it’s ALL yours! I have all of mine. You do too!